So I was having a discussion with a good friend last night, and somehow I ended up talking about me and my friends and how we love to wrestle. We love to fight. But it got me thinking, and it makes me wonder, what if there's more to it than that? I don't know if it's just a guy thing or if everyone does this, but as a guy, I have a desire, more like a need, to test myself against everything. I rock climb, to test myself against the mountain. I cliff dive, to pit myself against the forces of gravity and the lake. I put myself up against concrete and steel rails by skating. I have a constant desire deep within my heart to prove myself a conqueror, an adventurer, and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. In fact, almost all of my guy friends are the same, though admittedly I've never had that conversation with any of my more feminine friends.
Are we trying to prove ourselves to God? Do you ever feel like you're doing something to say, look at me Father, look what I can do.
Do we test ourselves against God? Do you ever struggle with His Word? Do you wrestle with things like honesty, compassion, love? I know I do. I struggle to live a completely honest life. Something about the truth almost scares me, so I have to pit myself against my own dishonest tendencies. Something about love goes against my selfish nature and I find myself wrestling with it, fighting against the very love that I know can set me free. It's hard to show love to everyone else without expecting it back. I find myslef like Jacob, wrestling with God. Fighting against the way He wants me to be.
We must instead take the fight to God, and let Him help us in wrestling with ourselves to live in a way that pleases Him. We must give up the fight against being honest about everything, give up the fear of truth. We must forfeit the battle against selfishness and instead embrace the unpredictable, uncontrollable love God has waiting for us.