Manly Men (Awful and old picture, but it fits)

So I was having a discussion with a good friend last night, and somehow I ended up talking about me and my friends and how we love to wrestle. We love to fight. But it got me thinking, and it makes me wonder, what if there's more to it than that? I don't know if it's just a guy thing or if everyone does this, but as a guy, I have a desire, more like a need, to test myself against everything. I rock climb, to test myself against the mountain. I cliff dive, to pit myself against the forces of gravity and the lake. I put myself up against concrete and steel rails by skating. I have a constant desire deep within my heart to prove myself a conqueror, an adventurer, and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. In fact, almost all of my guy friends are the same, though admittedly I've never had that conversation with any of my more feminine friends.

Are we trying to prove ourselves to God? Do you ever feel like you're doing something to say, look at me Father, look what I can do.

Do we test ourselves against God? Do you ever struggle with His Word? Do you wrestle with things like honesty, compassion, love? I know I do. I struggle to live a completely honest life. Something about the truth almost scares me, so I have to pit myself against my own dishonest tendencies. Something about love goes against my selfish nature and I find myself wrestling with it, fighting against the very love that I know can set me free. It's hard to show love to everyone else without expecting it back. I find myslef like Jacob, wrestling with God. Fighting against the way He wants me to be.

We must instead take the fight to God, and let Him help us in wrestling with ourselves to live in a way that pleases Him. We must give up the fight against being honest about everything, give up the fear of truth. We must forfeit the battle against selfishness and instead embrace the unpredictable, uncontrollable love God has waiting for us.



So despite my earlier promises I have not been typing as much on here as I would like bad. Anywho, if anyone actually reads this and is wondering where the heck i've dissapeared to, I'm back in laramie again, this time probably for quite a while. Jesse and I are no longer together but still good friends, and as of today I work at Wally World. Woot.

Ok, no more long, run on sentences, please. : P

In other important news, I have been really redefining the way I look at life, the universe, and everything. I've learned that the best thing someone can do is to strive to live as selflessly as possible. I am a selfish person, I'll admit it, and really who isn't. Selfishness is so easy to fall into, and it's always there, like it's just waiting for you to slip up. I've noticed that putting everyone else first really seems to go against the grain of human behavior and especially in today's culture, self-gratification is what it's all about. I guess the point of this is that every time I try to put others before myself, it's like my whole self protests, and I think that's probably the same for just about everyone. challenge to those who are willing to give it a try: Stop putting yourself first. Start putting everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, else first. If you don't hear those protesting voices telling you to think more of yourself, I daresay you're still thinking of yourself too much. It's a struggle, it's not easy my any means. I myself am still fighting to get it right, but I truly believe that if we can learn to live this way, we can start making some real changes in the world, changes for the better. The kind of change Jesus came here for.




I know I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything...sorry
here's the lowdown on the whole life thing so far for those of you who actually read this ; )
I live in Cody again with Jesse, we're here for the summer and then we're going back to sheridan next semester
I work at a restaraunt...the same one I used to...hooray..(sarcasm)
still working on my book
still have a long way to go on said writings of novel proportions (or at least they will be when I'm done)
uhhmm...Jesse and I are still's been a little over a year for us now..we're still goin strong....
soo...yeah...that's pretty much it...any questions see me (as if you didn't know that already) : P
peace out folks
(I promise I'll try to write more dutifully on here from now on)