the lyrics below describe exactly how I feel today.....I won't go into much detail, as it's a somewhat personal issue, though there's a certain girl I know who will likely understand..

time to fix what's been broken too long - something beautiful in my life was almost ended last night, because of something that's been "broken" in inability to accept others for who they are, just as they are, no matter what...

there's a wave crashing over me - I feel an overwhelming sense of shame, and it feels like my life is falling apart because suddenly I see my life for what it really is, and it's not what I wanted...not what I planned...not God's desire or God's plan

time to re-evaluate who I really am - can I change? can people really change the way they are...the way they were raised...if I don't I may lose the one thing that matters most to me in this world...maybe I wasn't meant to do it on my own...maybe only God can help me with this

time to face up, to clean this old house - I see what I've done...who I have become...and I hate it...I must get rid of it....and if only God can do that, then so be it..whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace, it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly

I guess this is a prayer as much as it is a song, or blog entry...maybe in order to be whole you have to know what it is to be broken first, so you can appreciate it more...maybe this is all just a test, though to fail could be the end of me...I think maybe this is God's way of showing me that I need to make some changes in my life if I am going to do His work, His will...there are things coming between me and Him, and as reflection, me and others, and they have to go, or else someone else will
I have apologized to the person I've hurt more times than she could stand this is not an apology...I"m past that...I'm moving on to doing something about it...what exactly am I doing you may ask?
I'm giving up...
I'm done
I'm throwing in the towell
I'm not giving on the people I love, or on myself...
I'm giving up trying to be in control of my life..of my relationships
God never meant for me to be in control..I'm not strong enough
I'm letting God take over, not for a while, for good
I don't want to live my own life anymore..I just cause more problems and hurt then I solve..
Every good thing I've ever done in my life..everything I've accomplished, is entirely God's achievements, God's works...
I can do nothing apart from Him who made me
without God
there is no me

A song I heard today

It's time for healing, time to move on.
It's time to fix whats been broken too long.
Time to make right, what has been wrong.
It's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me,
and all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but somehow theres peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
but I'm giving into something heavenly.

time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will?
I'm just climbing aimlessly over these hills.

So show me what it is you want from me,
I'd give everything, I surrender to...

Whatever you're doing inside of me.
It feels like chaos but somehow theres peace.
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
I'm giving into something heavenly.
Something heavenly...

Time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out,
that I've wanted to say, for so many years.
Time to release some of held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but I believe...

You're up to something bigger than me,
larger than life, something heavenly.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but now I can see...
This is something bigger than me,
larger than life, something heavenly.
Something heavenly...

It's time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out.


something to remember for when life gets a bit

I'm a human.......?

I saw this guy on a windows commercial who said, I am a human being, not a human doing, not a human thinking, a human being....on the surface this seemed to me like a really neat idea, maybe it meant to not be a product, but rather, a person, but for whatever reason, it kinda stuck in my head...not a human thinking...that could mean not an idea, but a creator of ideas, but it could also mean not a thinking person just someone who's here...someone along for the ride...not trying to make waves..not a human doing...not a product, or maybe not doing anything to help the world around me become a better place...
How many times do we become so complacent with where we are, that we allow ourselves to get lazy and stop doing the things that Christ tells us to do....we're told to feed the hungry, heal the sick, give to the poor, but are we?
How many of us have money on us right now, while somewhere in the world there are people living on a dollar a day or less...
Rob Bell said in one of the Nooma videos, which I highly recommend, that some staticians figured out that the cost to provide water, food, shelter, just the basic needs for life, all over the entire world, would cost about 20 billion dollars, which is about the same as America on average spends on ice cream...
What are we doing?
What are we thinking?
What are we being?



so I finally got around to buying myself a new bike today...I'm very more borrowing my dad's or anyone else's for that matter to enjoy the afternoon on a bicycle...
It's pretty nice, the frame is triax which I've never heard of, but the brakes and pedals are shimano which are very nice, and the suspension is rebound which is bla

In other totally unrelated news....I got an A on my english paper...yay english


Broken things..

My bass drum broke about five minutes from performance time this morning...needless to say this is a very effective way to see Brian (that would be me) frantic and stressed and generally scrambling about in a somewhat festive (but not at all joyous) manner.

In other random news....I have just been shown that the name tag I am to wear while working for my dad in the new UPS store says "slave" under position of employment.......I think he's joking, but it was a real, official looking nametag and with my dad...well you just never know


New blog

I had a blog on here once before, but I didn't really keep up with it and just about everything in my life has changed since then, so I decided to start a new one. In this blog will be pretty much whatever random stuff I decide to put in here, but I promise I'll try to make it interesting with some deep thoughts, which I am occasionally capable of, pictures of things I do and other stuff