My hiding place

A heart you have stolen, with love boundless, free
A heart you have given, entrusted to me
A shelter you have made, for time of storms
Arms that hold fast, loving and warm
A guiding light you shine, to show the way home
My path to wholeness, no more to roam
A beacon of hope as bright as the sun
It shines in your eyes, outshone by none
And when the storms roll in, and home seems afar
You light up the night sky, as bright as the stars
And when life seems too hard, my head is hung low
My heavy heart is lifted, by the love you show
so in the storms, and in the rain
through all the tears, and all the pain
Through all the hard times, when hope seem afar
When all I can see, is the pain and the scars
I turn to you, my solace of life
To heal the hurt, and relieve the strife
A heart you have stolen, but left not unreplaced
A heart you have given, my hiding place


A poem-like thing I wrote a long time ago...decided to dust it off and post it somewhere for people to read

Black like sin

A tall, dark man in black wlaking down an empty street, his dark hat tilted back the wind swirling around his feet. He came down like a fallen angel from the city up above, where the mountain float like clouds and the waters touch the sun.

He looks at you with a glint in his eye and you can't help but feel like you could take off and fly, way up to the clouds and kiss the sky. He passes by. You watch him go, memories flood through your system with ease making it hard to breathe. You stand there frozen in time, unable to speak, but not sure why. Why is this fire coursing through your blood, burning like ice, drowning in a flood, head spinning, you want to turn and run but you can't.

Horror fills your thoughts, pouring over, pain tying your stomach in knots, fury and suffering, like fire burning too hot, all around, trapped in the sound, paralyzed by this new terror you have found. Where did the pleasure go? You just can't seem to find the feelings you used to know, not more than a moment or two ago. I wrote this for the one who has a dark sin hiding, their own personal demon, a man in black biding, striding deep through their heart. Never too far apart.

If you have secrets like we all do, hiding in our minds, running through, the system, must break free, nowhere left to run for you. Habits, choices, thoughts the man has many names, lust, hate, kill, rape, lie, abuse, their all the same. We must break free of the illusion and find God the solution to our madness and pollution. Got to run and find Him in the Son, can't hide, can't run, you've gotta face the truth soon, just like all other men, but the man in black will try to stop you because he hates you, my friend, you never know just how or when, must not let your heart become black like sin.


Something I've been writing for a while....I have 107 pages...this is page one

The lone man stands on the highest crest of the tall sand dune, surveying the vast desert in front of him, watching carefully as dune upon dune is beaten and whipped into submission by the high sun and scorching wind. Nothing but sand as far as they eye can see and beyond stretches out before him like an eternal sea of fire. Behind him lay the canyon-lands, an endless maze of sun-scorched and wind-withered passageways of grey, and brown, twisted rock. Winding and turning archways with enough paths to drive any man to madness amongst the treacherous cliffs, unless you know the way.
Wind howls across the expanse of dunes. A large dust storm can be seen on the far western horizon of the endless desert. The man uses his free hand to pull his cloak tighter around him and pulls up his mask-like veil across the bridge of his nose. From head to toe he is colored in brown to tannish, sand colored clothing, with a long, hooded robe as well. His mask reveals only his sharp, tireless eyes; eyes that miss nothing. Perched on his other fore-arm is his only companion, a small falcon with equally sharp eyes, also colored to blend in with the sand, as is every creature bred for the open desert.
“Tell me Guinn, what do you see?” The man speaks softly. The falcon looks up at him with the only gaze she can give, intense and fiercely intelligent. She opens her beak and chirps softly. The man’s eyes lift back to the open desert. Three days and still they have not come for him. It is only a matter of time, he knows. He turns and begins his slithering descent from the dune. The canyons have enough dangers to keep him busy in the meantime. He crests another dune, and works his way down its opposite face. He pauses for a moment, waiting, listening.



What is heaven?
Is it that which we cannot see, and rests somewhere in the great unknown?
Paradise? Yes...I think it is...but I don't think it's something simply to be waited for and hoped for...I think pieces of it can be found right here on earth...
It's in the moments of silence in which neither of us speak because no words can describe the way we feel, and none are needed

It's in the way she smiles at me when I say her name and tell her I love her

It's in the way her eyes see my heart and soul, and look on both with boundless love and understanding

It's in the scent of lilacs and of her, walking closely to me after a long day at school the stresses of which no longer matter because I am with her, and she is with me...

It's in the way she holds me when I need a source of strength, and inspires in me the will to endure any hardship, no matter how big, and take on any challenge, no matter how fierce

It's in the way her love for me could weather any storm life could throw at it, and how she knows when she is weakest, to cling to me for love and shelter, and I to her

It's in the way her eyes betray her every emotion, but never fail to look with love, even when she is angry...

Heaven is at least partially on earth...and for is in her....

Though derived from a painful experience

Underoath Lyrics:

Just some lyrics I noticed while listening to the song....and it got me thinking, along with some recent events in my own personal life...
How often do Christians do this to "outsiders"
"disguised as a colony, we will wipe them all away"
interesting that they make the reference to a colony....I know a certain someone who ought to appreciate that analogy aside from myself....
you know who you are..
I don't know if Underoath ever intended this to be the point of the song, but it makes sense to me...
Why do we try so hard to change what people believe, instead of showing them love and acceptance as Jesus did
Why do we find it necessary to look down on people, maybe not even realizing what we're doing, just because they don't believe the same thing we do.
Did Christ ever shun someone only because they didn't believe in Him at the time? No...only if He knew that in their hearts they had rejected God and would never change their ways...How many times do we shun people who havn't really rejected God?

At the end of it all
We will be sold for parts
We will try to rebuild
But we ate it all away
All ambitions now run dry
Someone stop this thing, turn it off
In search of new life
Nothing will be left to walk this earth again
Turn it off...
Our hopes and dreams
Will be swallowed
We always said it wouldn't end up like this
We will be the new ice age
We will be the new plague
Disguised as a colony
We will wipe them all away
Feast your eyes
Or just rip 'em out
This is it for us
It's time to panic
We always said it wouldn't end
It wouldn't end up like this
We are the cancer
We are the virus
Tell me it's not too late


I have a job....

The new UPS Store officially opened yesterday....

hurray for manual labor?'s not bad..I get to pack boxes and work the front counter a little and whatever else I get good at doing I suppose...better to be employed and only slightly broke then unemployed and all broke I guess....

In other news..

with any luck and good weather I'll be able to go up to Sheridan next weekend again for a visit to my beautiful girlfriend...

I'm cited

I like Rob Bell....

thought this was really cool....hope it works...


Ink and kisses..( and a little blood)

I had the best weekend I've ever had in my life this past few days....not only did I get to see my amazingly beautiful girlfriend who never fails to leave me stunned and breathless with little more than a smile...but to top it off I got my first tattoo...

a little morose and saddened now since it's over and I had to come back down from heaven (which is very close to sheridan it turns out) and come back to laramie, but I'm doing all right knowing there's someone still northwards from here, eagerly awaiting the next time we meet and wishing for it to be soon

here's a picture of the art, which, was beautifully drawn by this amazing artist of a girl that I know, who I happen to think of as a rather brilliant work of art herself...

P.S. it's on my right forearm in case you couldn't tell


Road Trip!!!!

I"m going to sheridan this weekend!! I"m excited...
I get to see Jesse
best weekend ever...or at least since quite a while ago, before I moving to laramie...

In other equally sensible news.....

.....I guess I don't really have any news....

Did I say I'm goin to sheridan???
well I am....
it's going to rock...



the lyrics below describe exactly how I feel today.....I won't go into much detail, as it's a somewhat personal issue, though there's a certain girl I know who will likely understand..

time to fix what's been broken too long - something beautiful in my life was almost ended last night, because of something that's been "broken" in inability to accept others for who they are, just as they are, no matter what...

there's a wave crashing over me - I feel an overwhelming sense of shame, and it feels like my life is falling apart because suddenly I see my life for what it really is, and it's not what I wanted...not what I planned...not God's desire or God's plan

time to re-evaluate who I really am - can I change? can people really change the way they are...the way they were raised...if I don't I may lose the one thing that matters most to me in this world...maybe I wasn't meant to do it on my own...maybe only God can help me with this

time to face up, to clean this old house - I see what I've done...who I have become...and I hate it...I must get rid of it....and if only God can do that, then so be it..whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace, it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly

I guess this is a prayer as much as it is a song, or blog entry...maybe in order to be whole you have to know what it is to be broken first, so you can appreciate it more...maybe this is all just a test, though to fail could be the end of me...I think maybe this is God's way of showing me that I need to make some changes in my life if I am going to do His work, His will...there are things coming between me and Him, and as reflection, me and others, and they have to go, or else someone else will
I have apologized to the person I've hurt more times than she could stand this is not an apology...I"m past that...I'm moving on to doing something about it...what exactly am I doing you may ask?
I'm giving up...
I'm done
I'm throwing in the towell
I'm not giving on the people I love, or on myself...
I'm giving up trying to be in control of my life..of my relationships
God never meant for me to be in control..I'm not strong enough
I'm letting God take over, not for a while, for good
I don't want to live my own life anymore..I just cause more problems and hurt then I solve..
Every good thing I've ever done in my life..everything I've accomplished, is entirely God's achievements, God's works...
I can do nothing apart from Him who made me
without God
there is no me

A song I heard today

It's time for healing, time to move on.
It's time to fix whats been broken too long.
Time to make right, what has been wrong.
It's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me,
and all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but somehow theres peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
but I'm giving into something heavenly.

time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will?
I'm just climbing aimlessly over these hills.

So show me what it is you want from me,
I'd give everything, I surrender to...

Whatever you're doing inside of me.
It feels like chaos but somehow theres peace.
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
I'm giving into something heavenly.
Something heavenly...

Time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out,
that I've wanted to say, for so many years.
Time to release some of held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but I believe...

You're up to something bigger than me,
larger than life, something heavenly.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but now I can see...
This is something bigger than me,
larger than life, something heavenly.
Something heavenly...

It's time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out.


something to remember for when life gets a bit

I'm a human.......?

I saw this guy on a windows commercial who said, I am a human being, not a human doing, not a human thinking, a human being....on the surface this seemed to me like a really neat idea, maybe it meant to not be a product, but rather, a person, but for whatever reason, it kinda stuck in my head...not a human thinking...that could mean not an idea, but a creator of ideas, but it could also mean not a thinking person just someone who's here...someone along for the ride...not trying to make waves..not a human doing...not a product, or maybe not doing anything to help the world around me become a better place...
How many times do we become so complacent with where we are, that we allow ourselves to get lazy and stop doing the things that Christ tells us to do....we're told to feed the hungry, heal the sick, give to the poor, but are we?
How many of us have money on us right now, while somewhere in the world there are people living on a dollar a day or less...
Rob Bell said in one of the Nooma videos, which I highly recommend, that some staticians figured out that the cost to provide water, food, shelter, just the basic needs for life, all over the entire world, would cost about 20 billion dollars, which is about the same as America on average spends on ice cream...
What are we doing?
What are we thinking?
What are we being?



so I finally got around to buying myself a new bike today...I'm very more borrowing my dad's or anyone else's for that matter to enjoy the afternoon on a bicycle...
It's pretty nice, the frame is triax which I've never heard of, but the brakes and pedals are shimano which are very nice, and the suspension is rebound which is bla

In other totally unrelated news....I got an A on my english paper...yay english


Broken things..

My bass drum broke about five minutes from performance time this morning...needless to say this is a very effective way to see Brian (that would be me) frantic and stressed and generally scrambling about in a somewhat festive (but not at all joyous) manner.

In other random news....I have just been shown that the name tag I am to wear while working for my dad in the new UPS store says "slave" under position of employment.......I think he's joking, but it was a real, official looking nametag and with my dad...well you just never know


New blog

I had a blog on here once before, but I didn't really keep up with it and just about everything in my life has changed since then, so I decided to start a new one. In this blog will be pretty much whatever random stuff I decide to put in here, but I promise I'll try to make it interesting with some deep thoughts, which I am occasionally capable of, pictures of things I do and other stuff