the lyrics below describe exactly how I feel today.....I won't go into much detail, as it's a somewhat personal issue, though there's a certain girl I know who will likely understand..

time to fix what's been broken too long - something beautiful in my life was almost ended last night, because of something that's been "broken" in inability to accept others for who they are, just as they are, no matter what...

there's a wave crashing over me - I feel an overwhelming sense of shame, and it feels like my life is falling apart because suddenly I see my life for what it really is, and it's not what I wanted...not what I planned...not God's desire or God's plan

time to re-evaluate who I really am - can I change? can people really change the way they are...the way they were raised...if I don't I may lose the one thing that matters most to me in this world...maybe I wasn't meant to do it on my own...maybe only God can help me with this

time to face up, to clean this old house - I see what I've done...who I have become...and I hate it...I must get rid of it....and if only God can do that, then so be it..whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace, it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly

I guess this is a prayer as much as it is a song, or blog entry...maybe in order to be whole you have to know what it is to be broken first, so you can appreciate it more...maybe this is all just a test, though to fail could be the end of me...I think maybe this is God's way of showing me that I need to make some changes in my life if I am going to do His work, His will...there are things coming between me and Him, and as reflection, me and others, and they have to go, or else someone else will
I have apologized to the person I've hurt more times than she could stand this is not an apology...I"m past that...I'm moving on to doing something about it...what exactly am I doing you may ask?
I'm giving up...
I'm done
I'm throwing in the towell
I'm not giving on the people I love, or on myself...
I'm giving up trying to be in control of my life..of my relationships
God never meant for me to be in control..I'm not strong enough
I'm letting God take over, not for a while, for good
I don't want to live my own life anymore..I just cause more problems and hurt then I solve..
Every good thing I've ever done in my life..everything I've accomplished, is entirely God's achievements, God's works...
I can do nothing apart from Him who made me
without God
there is no me


  1. I miss this side of Brian! I miss all sides of Brian since its been oh so long, but I appreciate vulnerability at its best and this is just that! You're an awesome guy Brian!

  2. I agree.... i like this side of you Brian.. i am glad things are working better for you now...i really am...

    I love you babe... more than you could possibly know